Back at that point.

With today being 11DPIUI I caved and tested early (please do not say you are surprised, becuase we all know I am a testing junkie who can not control herself. So no passing judgement.) And yep BFN. Ok so it maybe early, but it may not be either. At least one thing is for sure, the HCG injection is out of my system. The other thing is maybe I am only 9DPO becuase of that wacky O pain. Only time will tell when or if AF arrives.

So after a brief conversation with my RE on Thursday, it is become apparent we can not keep doing IUI's. That something aggressive has to be done. I know a LAP maybe in the near future again. Once again time will tell. So it is time to have to conversation again. The great sparring Fertility treatment conversation.

The first thing that comes to John's mind and out his mouth is not the moral issues, but the finacial issues. Not I don't want to, but how can we afford to. Not what I feel about it either. Hey what ever we decide dosen't physically effect him. He is not the one going through the monthly or twice monthly pains, or the invasive proceedures, than needing to have relations even though your insides feel like they are going to fall out of your vagina.

So the conversation turned heated, not argumentative or unfair fighting. But it was debated. And all I said was "It is time to start thinking about what to do next. I think Dr T wants us to consider IVF or other agressive treatments after another possible LAP." This sparked a big financial debate. (please insert eye roll here.)

Ok so here is the song that has been running in my head about this:

Wish you were here - Pink Floyd

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue skys from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you to trade
Your heros for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.